Temptations are desires that conflict with important goals. Willpower is a kind of effortful self-control that often involves resisting temptations. We resort to the brute force of willpower when when we have failed to avoid exposure to temptations. Willpower often works in these situations, but it can be exhausting. Willpower works best when used sparingly.
Better smart self-control than hard self-control. Smart self-control requires less effort because we’ve figured out how to minimize desire-goal conflicts in the first place. Call it the Path of Less Resistance. Or maybe: the Path of Fewer and Less Intense Temptations. The Path boils down to knowing what to avoid and when to turn away. Preemptive action is best: turn off the phone, don’t go up to his studio, turn down the party invitation if you’ve got to study. But also learn how to nip it in the bud. Know temptation and turn away as soon as you recognize it. Don’t indulge in the fantasy that you can stop at any time.
There’s plenty of research that confirms my general point. For example, in one study researchers sampled thousands of “desire episodes” of 205 adult subjects, who had also taken personality tests. They found the personality trait of self-control predicted less intense desire, less conflict, and less resistance to temptations. That’s because individuals with this trait habitually avoided tempting situations and so rarely felt intense temptation. They rarely exercised hard self-control because they had learned the art of keeping temptations at bay.
Another experience-sampling study found that “people who experienced increased temptations felt more depleted and thus less likely to achieve their goals…Our results suggest that the path to better self-regulation lies not in increasing self-control but in removing the temptations available in our environments” (Milyavskaya & Inzlicht, 2017).
But when the temptation is in your face, do what some children did in the famous “marshmallow” experiment: they turned away from the tempting treat, the better not to eat it. And if you can’t turn away in body, turn away in mind. Think about something else. Dwell on the temptation and it will consume you*.
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* Of course, this can also be a good thing, depending.
References:
Hofmann, Wilhelm; Baumeister, Roy F.; Förster, Georg; Vohs, Kathleen D. Everyday temptations: An experience sampling study of desire, conflict, and self-control. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol 102(6), Jun 2012, 1318-1335. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/a0026545
Milyavskaya, M., & Inzlicht, M. (2017). What’s So Great About Self-Control? Examining the Importance of Effortful Self-Control and Temptation in Predicting Real-Life Depletion and Goal Attainment. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 8(6), 603–611. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550616679237